Sunday, May 12, 2013

Tech Hell...

I am down one laptop.   Since I only have one laptop.  I'm virtually computerless.  It's HORRIBLE.  Okay, maybe it's good to have a little break, but so much of my life revolves around my computer!  AND, I wanted to track my upcoming vacation by posting pictures from our adventures as they happened.  THAT won't be happening.

It is time to buy a new one, I'm just a little short of money at the moment.  I'll have to wait a month.  UGH.

END WHINY POINTLESS POST.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

MAY: Mental Health Awareness Month


May is Mental Health Awareness Month.  I take this really seriously because I feel like so many people just don't understand mental health issues and how they affect people.  When you think about how someone has no right to be depressed or sad or wonder what is wrong with someone who “has it all” and is acting that way, please stop.  Stop and think about that fact that sometimes there isn't an explanation.  Stop and remember that money does not buy happiness.  Stop and think about our diverse world with diverse people and how everyone is NOT LIKE YOU.  Some people suffer from mental health conditions that take over their whole lives.  You don’t have to understand it, but you do have to accept that some people don’t have the same coping mechanism as another person.  Some people have biologically based problems that affect their brains; we are all different and we all have different problems and we all react to those problems differently. 

Instead of blaming, attacking, being angry at, or dismissing those people with Mental Health problems, find out what you can do to help.  Help them to help themselves.  Understand that we can’t understand everything, but we can support the people we love.  Expecting someone to “snap out of it” or “use their head” or “get a grip” is not helpful.  Instead help someone find resources that might be able to find a way to live that is productive and happy.  They are not choosing to feel this way!

I experienced depression at a point in my life when I was feeling very sad with the direction I was going in.  It was a short period and not a life sentence for me.  Medication and therapy worked wonders for me.  It's not that simple for most people who suffer from biological mental health problems.  I was lucky.

Here are some organizations that can help with understanding mental health:



And so you can get an idea how regular people live with tough problems every day, here are a few blogs I've found helpful, touching, thought-provoking, etc.  They are just people doing the best they can and it takes great courage to share such personal things with the world.  But if it helps them or others I'm happy to have the opportunity to read them and share them - they are an inspiration.






Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Getting Old?

I think so many thoughts and have so many ideas of things I want to write here.  Usually, these thinks take place while driving.  By the time I make it to my computer, I'm a complete blank.

Do you think this means I'm just getting old?  Or is what I have to say so boring even I forget it?


Monday, May 6, 2013

Oops

It just dawned on me that I swore I wasn't going to get too personal this time.  I feel myself getting personal.

I'll try to be better.


"These Are Some of the People..." (stealing lyrics)

I was listening to Wendell Lee by Jill Sobule and it made me start thinking of all of the people I've loved before I got here.  I guess they all prepared me for being Mrs. San Diego, but I have to admit that some of them are an embarrassment and others I kind of miss!  Seriously, I was digging deep here.

I guess you could call me one of those girls who was totally boy crazy.  I remember chasing the boys around the schoolyard all the way back in Kindergarten!  Or were they chasing me?  Not sure... either way, I think it was a real set up for the rest of my life.  YIKES.  But thinking back there were definitely some significant others in my life who broke my heart, taught me bad habits and changed my life.

I laughed when I remembered being like 14 and head over heels for a younger boy who now I only remember as Vince.... what the heck was his last name???   That was probably my first broken heart when he moved away while I was in the throes of first love.  Don't get me wrong, in Jr. High, there was both David, who was really more my friend than anything and who is still my friend today and then Jay... dreamy Jay.  I still regret breaking up with that boy.  Man, I saw him years later and drooled.  But, I had to break up with him just in case he was going to break up with me!  I was 12, darn it!

Later, while I pined for Craig, I was stuck with Kevin.  Kevin who taught me how to drink beer so that he would drink less and how to fight back.  Oh, the bad choices we make... but, what lessons learned for the rest of my life.

Then there was Richard.  I knew him since I was 7.  At 17, I fell in love with him.  At 19 I moved in with him, at 22 I married him and at 24 I divorced him.  C'est la vie...  Another lesson learned and the beginning of my adulthood, a very wild beginning I might add.  I celebrated divorce with four very crazy months and then settled into a new relationship.

Billy was great.  We moved in together and I dug his way...  looking back it all feels a little phony now, but I thought he was oh so enlightened.  He was very different than anyone I had ever been with or around before - he wrote me a poem, damn it!  I learned a lot from him.  Then he became a girl, so there's that.

There were a few dalliances before That Dan came into the picture.  I'm pretty sure, although I can't swear 100%, that what I felt was lust and not love, but there was something there and it was all angsty and emotional.  I was angry and hurt from past relationships and thought I was tough as nails and able to have a casual relationship. But he woke something up and made me realize that I wasn't all as damaged as I thought I was.  Just in time, too...

Because, then Mr. San Diego started looking interesting.  I'd known him for years and became quite good friends, but more???   Scary on so many levels.  Who knew he'd be the love of my life, my soul mate and the person that would fit me the best.  Don't get me wrong, he has his faults, but marrying him was good for me and good for him and we're awesome together.

So, I guess I have a crazy past, but all of those experiences got me here.  Some people have one love their whole life.  I have had many.  I can't say which is better, but I can say that I like where I am and who I am, so for me... this worked.  So, like Jill.... "These are some of the people, that I, I went out with before I met you. These are some of the people that I thought would be the one..."

But it was you.


Friday, May 3, 2013

Mama Love


I’m never going to have a daughter.  I’m so past the having kids thing in life and I’m very happy not having kids, but sometimes I think about it.  Sometimes I think, “I’m never going to experience motherhood, never going to have a baby in my belly, never going to experience the agony of birth and the joy of holding my baby for the first time”.  But, as I get older and as I now have a friend pregnant with a girl, I think about the fact that I’m never going to have that mother to daughter bond. 

I already don’t have a sister and I’ll never have that special bond.  I have relationships with women and I have a couple that are very special, but I feel like I missed out on the sisterhood thing.  Now I think about how I am missing out on the mother-daughter relationship/bond.  One of the best parts of my life is my relationship with my mom.  I don’t think there is another human being in my life with whom I have the depth of that bond.  Don’t get me wrong, the bond with my dad is also deep and strong, but different than that daughter to mother thing.  We grew up together and we went through that time when I was a terrible teenager and we grew apart and then returned stronger and continue to grow stronger and closer with every year.  It saddens me to know that there are women out there who don’t have that because it’s a beautiful and very necessary thing for me.

I just have a piece of me that wishes I could experience that special relationship from the other end and feel the joy of watching a little girl grow up, become a woman, discover her life, marry, have her own children.  I think this will always be a piece of sadness in my heart.  It’s small, but it is there.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

On Writing


Should I grab a handful of nicely sharpened pencils?  Maybe a nice gel rollerball .7mm pen would do the trick - blue ink?  Purple?  Of course, there is always the keyboard.  If I use the keyboard do I open Word or head straight to a blog or what the heck, the Facebook?  But, really, there is nothing like the smell and feel of a brand new journal just screaming to be written in.  Especially if it has a soft leather cover.  I dream of the first letters hitting the clean page...

To write or type?

Paper or computer?

Maybe I’ll write once I figure that out.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Stupid People.... Well, People I Think Are Stupid.

I'm kind of pissed off about something.

So, I'm listening to this book right now... I'll get to that part later because I really want to write about the book and how it makes me feel.  But, what's got me annoyed is Amazon.com reviews.


So, I had a hard time with the beginning of the book because it started a little slow and I was tempted to just quit it, but something made me keep going and I'm glad that I did.  But about half way through it I started thinking about how I was going to review it, what I wanted to say, etc.  That got me thinking about what other people might be saying and I thought, "I bet there are a lot of negative reviews" just because of the fact that it's not a very fast paced book and it's a memoir, so the subject matter is personal to the author and all about the author.  I couldn't wait until I was done and instead went and checked out the reviews and I was right... a LOT of negatives.  I have no problem with people not liking the same things that I like. But what irritates me is the fact that people write negative reviews about something because they don't even understand WHAT they were reading in the first place.  They can write a negative review, but write it because the writing is bad or you found the story boring or slow, not because you didn't bother to read the dust jacket to find out what you were going to read.


What I mean is that if you pick up a book, in this case a MEMOIR because you liked the NOVEL that the author wrote and then feel ripped off because it's not a novel and the author has the audacity to write about themselves... well, what the hell is wrong with you?  You're just stupid.  YOU don't have the right to write a negative review because someone chose to write a different type of book then you wanted to read and YOU read it anyway!   Literally, one person said, "I was consumed by these details at Ann's age, too, but certainly don't want to read about anyone else's decisions."  THEN WHY ARE YOU READING A MEMOIR?

Let's look at what a memoir is:  "Memoir (from French: mémoire: memoria, meaning memory), is a non-fiction genre. More specifically, it is a collection of memories that an individual writes about moments or events, both public or private that took place in the author's life."


Knowing this is the definition of memoir, why would you choose to read one and then turn around and write a review complaining about the author's "self-absorption".  Seriously?  Or, how "self-indulgent" the authors are.  Um, well, the book is a non-fiction account of the authors' thoughts, feelings, memories from their perspectives on what they considered was a difficult time in their lives.  THAT is the premise of the memoir which is clearly stated on the description.  One reviewer even complained that it wasn't much of a travelogue.  Really?  Did you come up with that all on your own?  At no point, does anyone say this book was a travelogue.  What is nice about it is that we do get to experience some wonderful worldwide sights when they write about their experiences while traveling in Greece and France.  But that is a bonus and a nice background to the story, not the purpose of the book.


What really makes me feel angry are the people who hate the book because how dare these two women experience depression or fear or unhappiness in their lives while they get to travel to foreign countries and don't have money problems while other people are suffering home foreclosures and tsunamis.  Really?  So, because someone else has something negative happen to them it negates someone else's feelings?   If you really feel this way, you're an ass  It's okay to not like the book.  It's okay to not like the writing.  It's okay to feel like it's overly depressing or to accept you don't enjoy reading about other people's feelings of depression or inadequacy.  But to attack someone for not being poor or dead it pretty awful.  

Anyway, I think we've created a world where people's opinions of everything matter too much.  Yes, I realize that I am a constant reviewer and opinionator myself, so I guess I'm a hypocrite, but I read a comment by someone on Yelp once that said, maybe if everyone included a blurb as to why they feel they are qualified to review this "fill in the blank", we might get better reviews or at least ignore the ones by people without qualification.


That all said, the book I'm discussing is called Traveling With Pomegranates by Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Kidd Taylor.  It is touching me in strange ways and I will review it when I'm done and I'll talk about it here.  Very soon.


That is all.  /Rant