Vacation All I Ever Wanted...

Yea!  So excited that I'm getting a mini-vacay this weekend.  Four glorious nights in fancy Vegas hotels... FOR FREE.  LOVE!  Don't know where the offers came from, but I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth... I'll just grab the reigns and ride 'em cowboy!

Segue...   their having the rodeo in Vegas this week, too.  SHould be some fun parties going on.

The thing about Las Vegas is when I go there, I feel like I'm home.  It's crazy.  I know if I LIVED there it would be so different, but when I get there, I just have a sense of peace and well-being.  I don't gamble much but we use every moment, even if we're using that moment to rest and relax.  We see shows and exhibits.  We visit gardens and museums.  AND WE EAT.  Oh, the food.  Las Vegas offers so much more than gambling and until I've seen and done it all, I think it will continue to be my home away from home... my "happy place".

Yea!  Let's all be happy now.

Inchies & Wisdom

Have you heard of this?  Inchies are tiny micro-art pieces, only one inch square.  I made my first one yesterday and started a new blog to post them.  I'm planning to do one weekly.  I wonder how many blogging projects I can start and have going at once and how many I can manage to keep going!  haha  Anyway, the inchie project is fun.  My first one was simple, but I hope to get better and better  =)

In other news... I have a tree on my head.  Yes, I said that.  It's a fuzzy Christmas tree with Disney characters.  It's big and alittle heavy.  However, words of wisdom from me today:

Once you don a hat...   you're kind of stuck wearing the hat for the rest of the day unless you want to do your hair.

:::SIGH:::

I Wanna Do Nascar...

You see, I have this idea that I can be a great blogger.  I want to have a Nascar blog.  In part because the idea of writing makes me happy.  I love to write.  The other part is that I love talking Nascar with other people who love Nascar.  Naw, I don't want to talk Nascar with someone who only loves their driver because they are usually biased, but the opportunity to be able to say what I want and then have (meaningful?) discourse about it... maybe a little debate, but most of all just enjoying the banter.  That's what I want.

So, lets go back to the "I love to write" statement.  If I love this so much why the hell does it take me a month to come back and post HERE?!?!?!  ARGH!  I THINK about writing here all the time.  Usually while I'm driving, of course.  Maybe I should just video blog from the seat of my car?  HILARIOUS.    I wonder if that is legal if it's all hands free?  heh

Anyway, how many posts can one person make about NOT blogging on her blog?  WHO CARES!?!

So, since I don't have a Nascar blog yet, I guess I can talk about the season ending right here.  Because the 2013 season has culminated with the big awards banquet and now we have a couple months off before it gets going again.  At this time of year, I sigh a little sigh of relief to have a little escape from the weekly TV plan of making sure we get the race recorded and then find time to watch it.  Don't get me wrong, I love it and when Daytona rolls around again, I will be VERY excited to play the TV juggling game all over again.  But right now, it's nice to get a couple months off.  I'm hoping I'm not going to be truly taking it off, though because I'm hoping that I will spawn my Nascar blog in the off season so it is up and running by February.

WISH ME LUCK!

Another Holiday

I don't really get Thanksgiving.  I mean, no, I GET it, but I just don't care that much.  Don't get me wrong, I love me a day off and I enjoy getting together with family, but the hell that is traffic just ruins that for me.  So, because I refuse to drive on Thanksgiving, I don't actually get to enjoy that part.  I usually just grab something at Jack in the Box or make something simple for my husband and I.

I wish we had more opportunities to spend time with family.  I just don't think having this one day per year is the way to go.  Shouldn't we appreciate the things in our life all year long?  Shouldn't we make time for family and friends regularly and not just figure, "oh, we'll see each other on Thanksgiving" when everyone is stressing out from the traffic and the cooking and all like that?  There should be a better way.  But, I guess we'd have to shift our paradigm.

Ah well... this year I'm eating dinner in a restaurant.  I know.  I'm a horrible person because I'm supporting people having to work on Thanksgiving, but that special dinner sounds great, it's  a quarter mile from my house (no freeway) and I have a gift card.  HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ME!

Five Things About Halloween

1. I seriously LOVE halloween

2. This year we barely even got into costume and dragged ourselves to a party.  Granted, I'm not too happy with the host of the party, but still.  I feel like Halloween passed me by.  I have a giant box of costumes plus more scattered around the house.  I just bought some 70% off additions at Target.  Yet, I couldn't be bothered to wear one?  I'm hoping we have a better Halloween 2014.

3. We go all out on the yard decor, but since we were getting painting quotes, we kind of put it off and then Halloween came and went without only a single blow up out front, except for some quickie lights ON Halloween night.  WHAT HAPPENED?

4. I will give Candy to anyone who shows up in a costume.  I don't' even care if you're an adult, but make the effing effort and put on a damned costume, you lazy ass.

5. One time I worked in a Haunted House for one night while visiting a friend in Ohio for said night.  I was an inmate in an insane asylum and I learned a valuable lesson that night.  Teenagers are JERKS.  Nasty, Hateful, Buttheads.

/Halloween

Five Things About Dean Koontz & Me

1. Lightning is one of my FAVORITE books.  What is not to love about Time Traveling Nazis, adorable orphans, and trouble and triumph through Southern California?  
2. I own a great many signed first editions of Koontz books and a couple of his Sci Fi books from the dark ages of the 60s.  I say this because I want you to understand that I was a huge fan for a long time.
3. Dean Koontz likes to now use his novels to do several things:  a. Make sure the reader knows he has a vast vocabulary.  b. Make a point, usually political in nature, but sometimes spiritual or just whatever crazy shit he believes right now.  c.  Make money.
4. I saw him at the Comic Con in San Diego a couple of years ago.  That man is freaking bizarre.
5. WHY OH WHY do his books suck so bad now?  I can only say that today is the first time ever that I the book is so bad that I'm returning it to the library unfinished.  "\What book", you ask?  77 Shadow Street.  Seriously.  This book is HORRIBLE.  AWFUL.  I went on Amazon to see what others had to say and it's an overall 3 stars so some crazy ass people like it and apparently it goes in some weird science direction towards the end and guess what!  I DON'T CARE.  This pile of crap is going back.  I'm done.

Dream Dinners - Part 2

As an update to my last post, I thought I should mention that this weekend I ate at Trois Mec in Los Angeles.  This is the restaurant that is the result of the frienship between Ludo Lefebvre, Vinny Dotolo and Jon Shook.  What is different about Trois Mec is that you don't actually make a reservation or show up, you buy a ticket in advance, after logging into the website before 8 am on the appointed date and having your credit card already entered so that you can get your ticket before they sell out in five minutes.

I mention this because tickets are $97 with tax and tip included.  So you could go and spend only $97 per person, but once you get there you might want a drink or an add on meal, so our final price was $262 for two.  Based on my last post, we now know that I am willing to spend at least that much on dinner for two, so is it a stretch to go higher?  I hope not, because I think I'm going to.  Here's a link to the Trois Mec review on Yelp, though...  in case your curious.

How Much is Too Much for a Dream Dinner?

I am obsessed with food. I am. I love dining. I love chefs. I love interesting and different food (lets not go crazy, I'll pass on most offal). I want to eat in ALL of the best restaurants and taste the delights that a skilled chef can create. But, lets face it, I'm on an Olive Garden budget. I like to THINK I can just eat whatever and whenever and wherever I want, but if I eat at all of the places I want to, I might just break my bank.

So, what's a girl to do?  Where is the limit?  I have no problem spending $125 for two for dinner.  It's a splurge, but we do it on occasion.  But what about when I get the chance to eat at some of my dream restaurants?  Lets say I was going to New York.  Now New York is a place where I just won't be going very often, so when I do get there, I want to experience as much as possible and no matter how many amazing restaurants are around the world and in my own backyard, the truth is that NYC is a gourmet dining capital.  How do I pass this up?

One of my dream restaurants is Daniel.  While Daniel is no longer at the top of the top in NYC, it is still a classic fine dining restaurant with amazing seasonal menus that are crafted with care. Daniel may have a lot more competitions, but it's somewhere I have long dreamed of enjoying the seasonal tasting menu.  The problem?  The "cheap seats" on that tasting menu is STILL $195 per person and that doesn't even include the wine pairings.  Yeah, I said $195 per person!!!  

That is only the tip of the iceberg.  What about my fantasy of eating omakase at the hands of Mr. Uezu at Kurumazushi.  Take a guess... go ahead.  Omakase STARTS at $300 per person.  But this man is known to be a master with seafood that he has flown in for his restaurant.  Can anything be worth that much?  I know you can get meals much more expensive, but these are just my simple little dreams.

Chefs Table at Brooklyn Fare is another fantasy.  This one isn't even in reach because besides the $225 per person price tag, it's dinner only and there is much raw taking place, which my husband would not be interested in.  I can't exactly ditch him for dinner!  So, even if i could get a reservation... this one truly is out of reach.

You can see the problem.  There are more...  There's Blanca, and Jean George, and there's Per Se and Le Cirque, there's Momofuko and another long time New York icon Le Bernardin.  I mean, New York City is an eater's paradise.  

So here is my question.  When do I pass from "but it's a special occasion" to "I seriously need to commit myself before I bankrupt my family"?  How far is too far for this middle class girl with a middle class credit card and a middle class husband.  Do I do Daniel and go cheap the rest of the week.  Do I pick a few of these splurges as "one of a kind nights"... and then where do I draw the line?  $200pp?  $300pp?  How do I pick a limit?  HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

I Want to Be Ruth Reichl When I Grow Up

When I grow up I want to be Ruth Reichl.   Seriously, I want to be an amazing cook and a writer and have that depth of understanding of food and flavors.  What an amazing life she has lived.  At least from the outside looking in!  hehe  Garlic and Sapphires is seriously one of my favorite books.  These days I don't read or listen to books more than once, usually, but I had to re-listen to that both because I love it so much and in preparation for a trip to New York!

That's another thing.  How awesome to go to New York and know all the best places to eat.  I also wish I could sit down with her and my itinerary and she could help me plan my dining!  Not that I can afford to eat at all of the places I'm dreaming of, but it's my dream!

Anyway, if you don't know about Ruth, check out her blog.  You'll find a lot of interesting posts about food, recipes, restaurants, kitchen tools, etc.  I such a fan.  I'm such a dork.

A Bad Habit?

I want to "LIKE" everything.  The Facebook has conditioned me to want this.  It doesn't matter where I am on the Internet, but if I can't "LIKE" something I actually do like, I feel frustrated and let down.  The Stupid Facebook.

Once Again, People Disappoint Me!

And another month rolls by...   I truly love writing.  I mean, I love it so much that even my emails become unwieldy.  I could never tweet because I don't think enough characters would be allowed for how much I'd feel like I needed to say.  But with all of this, I'm averaging ONE POST PER MONTH here.  WHAT?

DAILY, I think about writing here and I actually write posts in my head, but there seems to be so little free time to just WRITE.  I'm usually so busy when I get on the computer.  So then I DO get here and what do I write about?  The fact that I'm not writing.

I know.

Makes no sense to me, either.

But, in addition to my confession of being a sucky blogger, I do have a BIT of a rant.

Why do people want so much to focus on the negative?  I guess it's good that I pretty much write this only for me and no one else reads it, because I think I would be a little crushed if 5000 people commented on something I wrote calling me a hypocrite and a loser and a bad mother (um, I'm not ACTUALLY a mom or anything), etc.  Yesterday, I read that "gone viral" post by a mom who was just doing a little post to her blog about some of the young girls her sons were connected to on the Facebook posting inappropriate selfies.  It was her way of talking about how she felt about this and then she posted pictures of her family at the beach, which meant they were in swim suits.  People FREAKED out.  Seriously, this lady did not write an article on how teenage girls were the downfall of humanity for USA Today or anything like that.  She simply wrote a post about her family and their values and basically a warning to these girls about how damaging posts like this can be for you and your relationships and your future.  I thought it was well written and made perfect sense and her family photos were fun and wholesome.  Yet people acted like she was the devil incarnate come here to TELL THEM HOW TO LIVE AND HOW TO THINK and how she was such a hypocrite because she posted photos of her family in bathing suits.

People.  Seriously.  STOP.

You people look and sound stupid.  It's a blog post by a mom.  Get over it and quit trying to find a reason to get all hateful and attack someone.  What is wrong with people's lives that they can't just live and let live.  If you don't like what the lady blogs about, DON'T READ IT!

We are so lucky to be a world made up of individuals with the ability to think independently and with the right to our own opinions.  Oh, do not get me wrong.  I JUDGE.  Oh yes, I do.  I acknowledge that I am judgmental about some things.  I definitely disagree with how some people live their lives or raise their children, but guess what.  I SUCK IT UP.  Even when it's my own family that does stupid shit.  Because taking care of ourselves is seriously hard enough.  It is not my job, nor should it be, to try to change others to my way of thinking.  I even get angry about things I think are inappropriate.  I might even comment on news articles with my opinions.

But, if this lady wants to raise her family in way that includes using the Internet together and talking about what their family feels is and is not appropriate, then by golly, go for it.  I actually find that quite refreshing in these days and times.  I can pretty much guarantee you that there is a lot she believes that I DO NOT.  This just happens to be something I agree with her on.  But, even if I don't agree, does that make it okay to swoop in and attack someone because they want to live their life and bring up their kids in a way I disagree with?  WTF?  I am going to go with a resounding "no".

So bizarre and hateful and that is what scares me.  Why do people immediately go on the offensive and feel attacked just because someone has a different opinion then them?  Some of my own friends were going off on this and I have to admit, it kind of changed my opinion of them, because while I admit to being judgmental myself at times, I would hope that I would not go on the attack like this. For the most part I feel like I have an EXTREMELY open mind and I know it is crazy to expect others to have the same, but there are some out there that I DO expect that of so when they don't, I can only think.. "WHO ARE YOU?" You know, as I think about it and as I write this I realize that while it's hard to do, these attackers have offended me.  Their behavior is offensive for several reasons.  First, why is their opinion more important than hers?  Second, they read paragraphs between the lines of her quite straightforward post... why would you have to LOOK for it to mean more than it does? Third, how is posting scathing or downright hateful comments make you a better person than this mom who just cares about her children and is raising her family the way SHE thinks is best?

I hope that she and her family use this as fodder for their family talks and not let it get to them.  I am SO happy that she has not taken down the post or the photos because there is nothing wrong or offensive with either and I applaud her.

SO THERE.

I Burn

When August rolls around, I seriously get twitchy thinking about all the burners heading to Black Rock City.  I know that someday I will be back.  I WANT to go back.  I DREAM of going back.  It’s just not possible yet.  I’m a second year burner who hasn’t made that second year yet.  One of the most transformative events in my life sticks to my brain and makes me dream of doing it again; of experiencing the feeling of freedom and love again – the one you just don’t feel in the real world.

I’m sure there are people who jack up their burn, maybe even jack it up for others, but the MAJORITY of them are there for the same reason.  To groove on the total amazing collective FREEDOM.  THAT IS WHO I WANT TO BE.  I want to say that is who I am, but the truth is it is who I want to be.  So I tell the truth.

Oh August, you bring me such pain and such hope and such longing for the playa.

LONGING.

to burn.

My Trust in Humanity is Bouncing Like a Ball

I’ve been feeling really angry.  I was involved in a very minor car accident in which I was rear ended.  The damage is very slight, but I want to get it fixed of course.  I have a fairly new car and there is no reason to drive around with it wrecked.  At the time of the accident, I exchanged information with the person who hit me.  He seemed nice – I’ve been fooled before – but he was right out of the gate apologizing and providing me with his info, so I figured “let’s just get this done and get out of here”.  We were in an unsafe place on the side of the freeway and I’ve waited for police before on an accident and it can take HOURS for someone to show up, so we went on our way.

I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that this guy was going to be a lying pile of crap just like the last four people who caused accidents involving ME.  But, of course, he did in fact lie to his insurance company, who subsequently denied my claim.  My insurance company, of course, believes me so they denied his claim.  The next step is I have to get my car fixed and pay my $500 deductible so that they can go to arbitration to determine who is at fault.  If I lose there, then I will have to go to small claims court.  Of course, if someone is willing to commit insurance fraud, why would they worry about a little thing called perjury?  But I am not sitting back and taking this.  I’m going to fight with all I have because this A-hole is a morally repugnant bad hearted person and needs to be held accountable for his actions.  I’m not just talking about the accident.  I mean it was an accident.  It happens.  I was nice then and would have been all along if he hadn’t lied outright about what happened.

The point of this story is to give you ONE of the reasons why I’ve been so angry with people and society in general.  I’ve been feeling like people just have no heart or soul.  I do not claim to be special or amazingly God-like or anything, but I’m a good person and I try not to lie unless it’s a little white one to make someone feel better, you know?  In general, I think I’m a good person.  I’ve just been feeling lately like there aren’t many of us out there and it’s disheartening.

Something happened today that helped to give me my hope back.  Last week, I emailed my co-workers to let them know about our janitor’s wife who is suffering from cancer and chemo right now.  I told them I was going to put together a goody basket of comforting items to give her and said if anyone was interested in donating anything, I’d be appreciative.  I have to say that I was happily shocked as money has been pouring in all day.  Okay, I asked for gifts for a basket, but money… that works, too!  It’s just a wonderful feeling that these people who I probably don’t’ give enough credit would come forward like this for a stranger.  My heart is swollen today with pride in my co-workers.  Sometimes I accuse them of being cheap bastards, but today, today they showed me that many of them have huge hearts and THAT is a great feeling.

Tech Hell...

I am down one laptop.   Since I only have one laptop.  I'm virtually computerless.  It's HORRIBLE.  Okay, maybe it's good to have a little break, but so much of my life revolves around my computer!  AND, I wanted to track my upcoming vacation by posting pictures from our adventures as they happened.  THAT won't be happening.

It is time to buy a new one, I'm just a little short of money at the moment.  I'll have to wait a month.  UGH.

END WHINY POINTLESS POST.

MAY: Mental Health Awareness Month

May is Mental Health Awareness Month.  I take this really seriously because I feel like so many people just don't understand mental health issues and how they affect people.  When you think about how someone has no right to be depressed or sad or wonder what is wrong with someone who “has it all” and is acting that way, please stop.  Stop and think about that fact that sometimes there isn't an explanation.  Stop and remember that money does not buy happiness.  Stop and think about our diverse world with diverse people and how everyone is NOT LIKE YOU.  Some people suffer from mental health conditions that take over their whole lives.  You don’t have to understand it, but you do have to accept that some people don’t have the same coping mechanism as another person.  Some people have biologically based problems that affect their brains; we are all different and we all have different problems and we all react to those problems differently. 

Instead of blaming, attacking, being angry at, or dismissing those people with Mental Health problems, find out what you can do to help.  Help them to help themselves.  Understand that we can’t understand everything, but we can support the people we love.  Expecting someone to “snap out of it” or “use their head” or “get a grip” is not helpful.  Instead help someone find resources that might be able to find a way to live that is productive and happy.  They are not choosing to feel this way!

I experienced depression at a point in my life when I was feeling very sad with the direction I was going in.  It was a short period and not a life sentence for me.  Medication and therapy worked wonders for me.  It's not that simple for most people who suffer from biological mental health problems.  I was lucky.

Here are some organizations that can help with understanding mental health:

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)

The World Health Organization

And so you can get an idea how regular people live with tough problems every day, here are a few blogs I've found helpful, touching, thought-provoking, etc.  They are just people doing the best they can and it takes great courage to share such personal things with the world.  But if it helps them or others I'm happy to have the opportunity to read them and share them - they are an inspiration.

Purple Persuasion

Dooce.com

Depression Marathon

Day in the Life of a Busy Gal...

Broken Saints

Getting Old?

I think so many thoughts and have so many ideas of things I want to write here.  Usually, these thinks take place while driving.  By the time I make it to my computer, I'm a complete blank.

Do you think this means I'm just getting old?  Or is what I have to say so boring even I forget it?

Oops

It just dawned on me that I swore I wasn't going to get too personal this time.  I feel myself getting personal.

I'll try to be better.

"These Are Some of the People..." (stealing lyrics)

I was listening to Wendell Lee by Jill Sobule and it made me start thinking of all of the people I've loved before I got here.  I guess they all prepared me for being Mrs. San Diego, but I have to admit that some of them are an embarrassment and others I kind of miss!  Seriously, I was digging deep here.

I guess you could call me one of those girls who was totally boy crazy.  I remember chasing the boys around the schoolyard all the way back in Kindergarten!  Or were they chasing me?  Not sure... either way, I think it was a real set up for the rest of my life.  YIKES.  But thinking back there were definitely some significant others in my life who broke my heart, taught me bad habits and changed my life.

I laughed when I remembered being like 14 and head over heels for a younger boy who now I only remember as Vince.... what the heck was his last name???   That was probably my first broken heart when he moved away while I was in the throes of first love.  Don't get me wrong, in Jr. High, there was both David, who was really more my friend than anything and who is still my friend today and then Jay... dreamy Jay.  I still regret breaking up with that boy.  Man, I saw him years later and drooled.  But, I had to break up with him just in case he was going to break up with me!  I was 12, darn it!

Later, while I pined for Craig, I was stuck with Kevin.  Kevin who taught me how to drink beer so that he would drink less and how to fight back.  Oh, the bad choices we make... but, what lessons learned for the rest of my life.

Then there was Richard.  I knew him since I was 7.  At 17, I fell in love with him.  At 19 I moved in with him, at 22 I married him and at 24 I divorced him.  C'est la vie...  Another lesson learned and the beginning of my adulthood, a very wild beginning I might add.  I celebrated divorce with four very crazy months and then settled into a new relationship.

Billy was great.  We moved in together and I dug his way...  looking back it all feels a little phony now, but I thought he was oh so enlightened.  He was very different than anyone I had ever been with or around before - he wrote me a poem, damn it!  I learned a lot from him.  Then he became a girl, so there's that.

There were a few dalliances before That Dan came into the picture.  I'm pretty sure, although I can't swear 100%, that what I felt was lust and not love, but there was something there and it was all angsty and emotional.  I was angry and hurt from past relationships and thought I was tough as nails and able to have a casual relationship. But he woke something up and made me realize that I wasn't all as damaged as I thought I was.  Just in time, too...

Because, then Mr. San Diego started looking interesting.  I'd known him for years and became quite good friends, but more???   Scary on so many levels.  Who knew he'd be the love of my life, my soul mate and the person that would fit me the best.  Don't get me wrong, he has his faults, but marrying him was good for me and good for him and we're awesome together.

So, I guess I have a crazy past, but all of those experiences got me here.  Some people have one love their whole life.  I have had many.  I can't say which is better, but I can say that I like where I am and who I am, so for me... this worked.  So, like Jill.... "These are some of the people, that I, I went out with before I met you. These are some of the people that I thought would be the one..."

But it was you.

Mama Love

I’m never going to have a daughter.  I’m so past the having kids thing in life and I’m very happy not having kids, but sometimes I think about it.  Sometimes I think, “I’m never going to experience motherhood, never going to have a baby in my belly, never going to experience the agony of birth and the joy of holding my baby for the first time”.  But, as I get older and as I now have a friend pregnant with a girl, I think about the fact that I’m never going to have that mother to daughter bond. 

I already don’t have a sister and I’ll never have that special bond.  I have relationships with women and I have a couple that are very special, but I feel like I missed out on the sisterhood thing.  Now I think about how I am missing out on the mother-daughter relationship/bond.  One of the best parts of my life is my relationship with my mom.  I don’t think there is another human being in my life with whom I have the depth of that bond.  Don’t get me wrong, the bond with my dad is also deep and strong, but different than that daughter to mother thing.  We grew up together and we went through that time when I was a terrible teenager and we grew apart and then returned stronger and continue to grow stronger and closer with every year.  It saddens me to know that there are women out there who don’t have that because it’s a beautiful and very necessary thing for me.

I just have a piece of me that wishes I could experience that special relationship from the other end and feel the joy of watching a little girl grow up, become a woman, discover her life, marry, have her own children.  I think this will always be a piece of sadness in my heart.  It’s small, but it is there.

On Writing

Should I grab a handful of nicely sharpened pencils?  Maybe a nice gel rollerball .7mm pen would do the trick - blue ink?  Purple?  Of course, there is always the keyboard.  If I use the keyboard do I open Word or head straight to a blog or what the heck, the Facebook?  But, really, there is nothing like the smell and feel of a brand new journal just screaming to be written in.  Especially if it has a soft leather cover.  I dream of the first letters hitting the clean page...

To write or type?

Paper or computer?

Maybe I’ll write once I figure that out.

Stupid People.... Well, People I Think Are Stupid.

I'm kind of pissed off about something.

So, I'm listening to this book right now... I'll get to that part later because I really want to write about the book and how it makes me feel.  But, what's got me annoyed is Amazon.com reviews.

So, I had a hard time with the beginning of the book because it started a little slow and I was tempted to just quit it, but something made me keep going and I'm glad that I did.  But about half way through it I started thinking about how I was going to review it, what I wanted to say, etc.  That got me thinking about what other people might be saying and I thought, "I bet there are a lot of negative reviews" just because of the fact that it's not a very fast paced book and it's a memoir, so the subject matter is personal to the author and all about the author.  I couldn't wait until I was done and instead went and checked out the reviews and I was right... a LOT of negatives.  I have no problem with people not liking the same things that I like. But what irritates me is the fact that people write negative reviews about something because they don't even understand WHAT they were reading in the first place.  They can write a negative review, but write it because the writing is bad or you found the story boring or slow, not because you didn't bother to read the dust jacket to find out what you were going to read.

What I mean is that if you pick up a book, in this case a MEMOIR because you liked the NOVEL that the author wrote and then feel ripped off because it's not a novel and the author has the audacity to write about themselves... well, what the hell is wrong with you?  You're just stupid.  YOU don't have the right to write a negative review because someone chose to write a different type of book then you wanted to read and YOU read it anyway!   Literally, one person said, "I was consumed by these details at Ann's age, too, but certainly don't want to read about anyone else's decisions."  THEN WHY ARE YOU READING A MEMOIR?

Let's look at what a memoir is:  "Memoir (from French: mémoire: memoria, meaning memory), is a non-fiction genre. More specifically, it is a collection of memories that an individual writes about moments or events, both public or private that took place in the author's life."

Knowing this is the definition of memoir, why would you choose to read one and then turn around and write a review complaining about the author's "self-absorption".  Seriously?  Or, how "self-indulgent" the authors are.  Um, well, the book is a non-fiction account of the authors' thoughts, feelings, memories from their perspectives on what they considered was a difficult time in their lives.  THAT is the premise of the memoir which is clearly stated on the description.  One reviewer even complained that it wasn't much of a travelogue.  Really?  Did you come up with that all on your own?  At no point, does anyone say this book was a travelogue.  What is nice about it is that we do get to experience some wonderful worldwide sights when they write about their experiences while traveling in Greece and France.  But that is a bonus and a nice background to the story, not the purpose of the book.

What really makes me feel angry are the people who hate the book because how dare these two women experience depression or fear or unhappiness in their lives while they get to travel to foreign countries and don't have money problems while other people are suffering home foreclosures and tsunamis.  Really?  So, because someone else has something negative happen to them it negates someone else's feelings?   If you really feel this way, you're an ass  It's okay to not like the book.  It's okay to not like the writing.  It's okay to feel like it's overly depressing or to accept you don't enjoy reading about other people's feelings of depression or inadequacy.  But to attack someone for not being poor or dead it pretty awful.  

Anyway, I think we've created a world where people's opinions of everything matter too much.  Yes, I realize that I am a constant reviewer and opinionator myself, so I guess I'm a hypocrite, but I read a comment by someone on Yelp once that said, maybe if everyone included a blurb as to why they feel they are qualified to review this "fill in the blank", we might get better reviews or at least ignore the ones by people without qualification.

That all said, the book I'm discussing is called Traveling With Pomegranates by Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Kidd Taylor.  It is touching me in strange ways and I will review it when I'm done and I'll talk about it here.  Very soon.

That is all.  /Rant 

I Want You to Want Me

It kind of cracks me up when I think about how much we need validation... okay, maybe 'we' is a little too much assumption on my part, but last night at an event I heard a guest telling her friends this:

"I think Trish is like my preschool teacher and I get so excited to show her things and be all 'look what I did!' and she tells me, 'Good Job!' and I feel so happy that I made her proud"  or something close to that.  The hilarious part of this is that I feel the exact same way about Trish.  I want her to like me and to tell me I'm doing a good job.  A pat on the head would be A-OK.

Who is Trish?  Seriously, she's just a woman whose job is to coordinate a very large community of people and to plan awesome events and make sure we all behave in said community but have a great time.  I say "just" because in the grand scheme of things, she's just a person that probably shouldn't have that much weight over any of us, but how cute that I'm not the only one that wants her approval and validation.

What is it that makes us feel this need for approval from peers?  To the friends and co-workers I surround myself with in my real life, I'm outgoing and kind of a loud mouth and have no problem saying what think and running my mouth and cracking jokes, etc.  But, around strangers, I'm a completely different person.  I'm shy and nervous.  Does this mean I have low self esteem?  I don't know.  My friends never believe that I'm shy.  They tell me to be the spokesperson when at a function and laugh when I tell them I hate public speaking.  When I attend these community events, I make myself start conversations with a few people and I actually did develop ONE friendly acquaintance so far, but mostly, I stick with Mr. San Diego and talk to him... because that's easy.  There is no pressure talking to your husband.  No chance that he's going to dismiss me. No worries that I won't be "cool" enough or "interesting" enough.

Why do I care what strangers think when the people I know and love, love me?

It's one of those great life mysteries, I guess.

I'm a Shopaholic

I don't know exactly how it happened, but I am a shopaholic.  I must stop.  I need to pay off my bills, but I cannot resist a hot Betsey Johnson tote or necklace or some cool thing I found on Amazon.  Lately I've been playing with Little Black Bag .  Every month when I open a bag and start trading, I get totally obsessed.  Which is why ONLY ONE BAG PER MONTH.  This month I went particularly crazy and actually added extras to my bag, so it got a little pricey, but I got some super gorgey stuff.  If you aren't familiar with Little Black Bag, you need to check it out.  I warn that it is addicting, but I see it as getting some cute stuff and entertainment at the same time.  Hell, I drop $30 just for us to go to see a movie and that only lasts 3 hours... LBB trading lasts SEVEN DAYS!   Check it out.  I'm going to do a video when I get my new bag so I'll post here and you can see what I mean.

Anyway, I think it's time to turn over a new leaf.  The question is, can I?   I don't know.  I hope so.  Because I would love to get my debt out of the way and start working for retirement instead of to pay off bills.

Out.  Gotta go check my Little Black Bag to see what I ended up with... my seven days JUST ENDED.

Patchouli

Here.

Let me help you out.

It is NOT 1968 and YOU are not a hippy.

Quit wearing patchouli!

Because, first of all, IT IS NOT 1968 AND YOU ARE NOT A HIPPY and second of all, that SHIT STINKS! BLECH!

 Especially you!

You're a doctor for God's sakes. Quit trying to act like you're all young and cool. Because you're not and for that matter patchouli is NOT COOL. That's all I'm going to say about that.

The Blogosphere Goes On and On and On...

For some bizarre reason, I still get stats updates from Sitemeter on my old ATF Blog. Whoo... one person stumbled across that raggedy old page. Hilarious. But it made me click over there to see what's there. 

Looking at it all I thought, "hey, I'm going to try all of these links here to blogs I used to read and see if any of them are still there". Well, most of them aren't. Many are now in other languages, some are ads, some are just gone, but there are a couple still alive and some that were alive but have drifted away over the course of the last year or so. It's strange. As I click on the links I remember things about these blogs or bloggers. Much fun I had reading about other peoples lives. Some funny. Some touching. It was my entertainment for a long time. From doing this little experiment, I've re-discovered a couple, but now I've even found some new ones.

I like it.