I’m never going to have a daughter. I’m so past the having kids thing in life and
I’m very happy not having kids, but sometimes I think about it. Sometimes I think, “I’m never going to
experience motherhood, never going to have a baby in my belly, never going to
experience the agony of birth and the joy of holding my baby for the first
time”. But, as I get older and as I now
have a friend pregnant with a girl, I think about the fact that I’m never going
to have that mother to daughter bond.
I already don’t have a sister and I’ll never have that
special bond. I have relationships with
women and I have a couple that are very special, but I feel like I missed out
on the sisterhood thing. Now I think
about how I am missing out on the mother-daughter relationship/bond. One of the best parts of my life is my
relationship with my mom. I don’t think
there is another human being in my life with whom I have the depth of that bond. Don’t get me wrong, the bond with my dad is
also deep and strong, but different than that daughter to mother thing. We grew up together and we went through that
time when I was a terrible teenager and we grew apart and then returned
stronger and continue to grow stronger and closer with every year. It saddens me to know that there are women
out there who don’t have that because it’s a beautiful and very necessary thing
for me.
I just have a piece of me that wishes I could experience
that special relationship from the other end and feel the joy of watching a
little girl grow up, become a woman, discover her life, marry, have her own
children. I think this will always be a
piece of sadness in my heart. It’s
small, but it is there.
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