I Am Not A Quitter!

I refuse to give up. I know I haven't written here in just about a year. I also know that no one reads this anyway, so WHATev. The whole purpose of doing this again was because I do love to write. The Facebook allows for some short blitherings, but you really need a BLOG to actually say anything. But, I keep sucking at this.

A very cool thing happened last night, though, that has inspired me, once again, to return to this crazy page. Several weeks ago I decided to check in on Vinnie. Vinnie is Vincent Ferrari, formerly of the blog, Insignificant Thoughts. Vinnie and I started our blogs (my original one and Insignificant Thoughts for him) in the same month back in '02. We were both getting started in the bloggy world so we linked to each other and read each other's stuff and commented. I really enjoyed reading his stuff and apparently so did a lot of people because while my musings about stupid crap kept me linked to a small group of people like me, his blog went crazy. After his big AOL cancellation call, he was FAMOUS! Once I stopped blogging, I would randomly check in on Insignificant Thoughts and Vinnie a few times a year, but I wasn't following him closely and we didn't keep in touch over time. I'd even added him to my blogroll when I startedt his new page! There were a couple more blogs I'd keep an eye on, but overall, I really don't spend a lot of time reading blogs anymore.

 So, back to my story... several weeks ago I decided to check in on Vinnie. To my shock and dismay, when I went to Insignificant Thoughts, it was gone... just a little Calvin and Hobbs picture was there instead of Vinnie's witty commentary and funny photos. Wow, I was disappointed. I mean, I had seriously lost touch this time. Because I couldn't believe he would just slip away, I did some Googling and found him on The Facebook. I subscribed to him and lurked in the background the last couple of weeks reading his posts and discovering his new blog Vinstagram. All was well.

Then last night I made my presence known and let him know who exactly I was and he got super excited about us connecting on The FB! It was so cool to bump into someone on the net who got that excited about connecting with me. I always have this fear that someone is not going to recognize me when I say hello or know who I am and actually it's happened a time or two. So, it is very good for my ego (or maybe my self-esteem???) when an experience like last night takes place. HOORAY! Someone recognized me and was excited to see me. I'm feeling special today and I wanted to say so.

Eeeeek!

We have a mouse. Well, I'm hoping it's a really big mouse and not, you know. Tonight I think he will die. I call him he because I want him to be male. I really do. A female would mean MORE. I actually like mice and rats... as pets. I'm weird that way. I also like snakes and lizards. I like little pets that stay in a pen. But, today I'm wishing I was a cat person. Wish me luck in the eradication of the little bugger.

In other news it's crackin' up to be a good month. We're making some progress in our house. I almost have an extra bedroom. That doesn't sound like a big deal, but I want to live like normal people. I don't want to be a non-hoarder, living in a hoarder's world. To that end, we have made leaps and bounds, but there is still a long way to go. I anticipate not being completely done until May. But that's okay. It's amazing what light at the end of one's tunnel can do for a disposition. Mine is definitely sunnier. Of course, I think that is a combination of this AND my new outlook resulting from our experiences at Burning Man this year.

Okay, I better be careful here. I'm going off on tangents. This is what happens when one doesn't write in their blog for a month. When they finally have something to say, they don't want to shut up.

WOW

So, keeping up with blogging is still not so easy. Here I finally have the opportunity to write and I'm too cranky to even do that. I have had a headache for a week and now it's turned into being SICK. Bleh. My brain isn't actually working, so I guess that means I'm just finger blithering... I'll try harder to come up with something more entertaining than my whining. Really. I'll try. Tomorrow.

A Little Something Personal

I have this bizarre problem. I don't know, maybe it isn't BIZARRE, but I wish I could just get over this. You may even notice what time I'm typing this.

I hate going to bed.

I mean, when I'm REALLY tired, I love going to bed. But, regularly, I cannot get myself to get my ass up off of the couch and go to bed at a decent time. On the weekends, it isn't a problem - I can sleep in the morning. During the week, I am kicking my own ass because I am soooooooooooo tired from not getting enough sleep. It is totally stupid. But, I just don't want to go to bed at night.

I used to be an insomniac. I guess I still am, but my disorder seems to change. I used to not be able to fall asleep and maybe this stems from that. But, now, I fall asleep RIGHT AWAY. But, I wake up a lot. Although, lately, I am a better sleeper and I think it is because I am so exhausted from staying up too late every night. And, I drive a lot, so being tired while on the road is NOT good.

I don't know what to do. I mean, I do know what to do, I just can't make myself go to bed. Am I totally nuts? Does anyone else suffer from this bizarre behavior?

Responsibility

I think if you make a commitment, you should honor it.

A New Way To Be

Ever since my Burning Man experience, I have this overwhelming urge to be nice to people. When you are there, everyone is happy, everyone is having a good time - I mean, that's their purpose there! Everyone is friendly and nice. I did not experience anyone being an asshole or judgmental or any of the things that we deal with in our every day lives.

When I left, I told myself that I wanted to keep that vibe going and not go back to my usual jaded self. But,then, life happens.

I find myself getting mad; just like usual.

I find myself thinking people are jerks; yelling at them on the freeway, feeling irritated and calling strangers not very nice names (to myself, of course), and feeling depressed by the ugliness and negativity around me.

I REALLY do not want to be this way. I REALLY want to see the good in people. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt and excuse their mistakes. I want to make people around me happy and make them feel good. I really want this. I do.

So, I guess the big question is, "can I unlearn years of a behavior?"

I don't know.

But, I want to.

But, What Do I Write?

I definitely want to stay away from the mundane this time. I promise not to write about cleaning my bathroom. I'm not sure what direction I want to go in, but maybe it will just be a place to put down my thoughts? This has got me looking at other blogs again, too. It's fun to see who is still there and who I can no longer find and there are so many new places to visit. I'm starting to feel excited about it.

Hopefully I can balance being interesting with being relatively discreet. I think we sometimes share more than we need to with the world. That won't happen here.

Try Try Again

I'm not sure if I really need to do this. Probably not. I mean, I have The Facebook, right? And, it's been YEARS since I've blogged. I don't even know if I WANT to blog. Once again, however, Buzz Agent has prompted me to start something. This time I'm trying out this About.me site and it looked so puny only having facebook. I thought I would just add my blog to it, but when I looked at all that old stuff I'd written, I realized that no one needs to ever see that stuff again! Not just seriously old, but maybe things no one should have ever read to start with.

So, here I am. Writing again. On Blogger. This is weird. I think I like it.